Fears!!! Until I first saw YOU

Your were an unexpected happiness which was coming our way, but very less did I know that I would develop more fears than the happiness you were going to give me.

We had just returned from our Ladhak trip. My periods were delayed but I didnt give much importance to it. I was 10 days up, and just to make sure I am NOT PREGNANT, I took the test and then came the most unexpected result " I Was Pregnant'. My husband and I both couldn't believe and took the test 3 times to make sure the results was correct.

But with this unknow and unexpected Pregnancy, I was gripped with a lot of fears. The biggest fear that I woke up every morning to was , 'Will I be able to carry the child for 9 months, or I might have a miscarriage ?' Somehow the fear of miscarriage dint let me enjoy my initial phase of Pregnancy. To add to my fear, I started spotting at the start of 3rd month and it lasted for 20 days. But with God's grace I was still Pregnant. Knowing that by 3rd month, baby develops all her organs, I was worried about my baby having all her limbs in place. Thank god to technology, Sonography always helped me confirm that my baby is doing fine.

Now, the 2nd Trimester started. Everyone adviced me that this is going to be the best phase of Pregnancy. But again me being an over thinker, I couldn't enjoy it. There is a sonography conducted to check the mental development  and abnormalities of the baby. This was one of the most important sonography of entire Pregnancy. Till the result were out, i.e till 20th week the excited brain of mine didn't let me relax.

My baby was a energetic cub even in the tummy, but she never reacted to loud noise, or whenever we asked her something, or spoke to her. This feared me about her ability to hear. I feared about her 5 senses, are they functioning properly, or is it too early to decide or I can treat them if they are not in place. OMG!!! I know I was over reacting but the mother in me had already started fearing for her baby.

Ahhh!!! The last Trimester started. It was somewhere in January that I caught cold and cough. I coughed so hard that I needed to take medication as doctors feared that due to hard coughing the baby could slip down. One new fear of pre-mature baby pulled my energies down. Everytime I thought that my baby and I are now completely safe, a new fear popped it. I got healed sooner than expected and now things were going normal.

Now started the countdown time. I was in my last month and I can say this was the only Month in my pregnancy which I enjoyed the most with old fear of Labor. This time the fear came with the happiness of meeting your little one. But things didn't ride that smooth, my water levels dropped and the oxygen supply to baby's brain reduced, resulting in emergency C Section.

But with all these fears, I gave birth to a healthy and happy soul on 8th April, 2019. I realised that though I was worried about my lil one, the talks which I did with her when she was in womb worked as magic for both of us.

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